When I was younger, there was this political hype around ‘Vision 2020’. It seemed like a magical year when everything will fall into place and we’d all live happily ever after.
Then 2020 happened, and it turned out to be a magical year after all, albeit not in the way we expected. Who’d have thought something could disrupt the entire world and change our lives as we know it?
Still, the year did live up to it’s name for me. It brought silence/stillness, and with that came introspection and clarity. I learnt / was reminded of some things during the year, and I’ll just get right to them.
1. Boundaries isn’t a bad word. I was introduced to Brené Brown last year and my goodness! Reading her work feels like a constant lightbulb moment. Anyway, before her, I sort of had the ‘saying no’ thing down, but I thought that having boundaries meant closing yourself off.
What I realize now is that it helps you keep your sanity and stay true to yourself in a world where we are (mostly) haphazardly interacting with each other. It also helps you to be kind because you’re not holding on to (subconscious) resentment of people who have invaded your space in a way you didn’t want them to.
I mean, even God Almighty who created us doesn’t just waltz into our lives to take up space as He so wishes. He waits for us to ask Him in.
2. Loneliness is uncomfortable, but what’s worse is losing yourself in the midst of people/things you surround yourself with. This post expresses it so well. We are made to connect, but it has to be from a place of self-sufficiency. A place where you know that you are worthy, and enough just as you are.
A content person can make wise choices, but to an hungry person, anything goes (update: I’m just reading Prov. 27: 7 (NLT) and it basically says the same thing). I’ve lived the choice of “reaching out for everything I shouldn’t” and mostly feeling like “I’m yelling at bare walls in an empty building”.
Now I’m learning to get comfortable with that uneasy feeling when it shows up, content with the knowledge that availability does not translate to belonging. Something can be good, but not good for me.
3. Time flies even during a global pandemic: the world stopped, but not quite. In a lot of ways, life went on as usual, and seemingly on fast forward too. It reminded me that everything is fleeting. This too shall pass.
4. It’s what you do, not what you say. People (myself included) say a lot of things, but it’s the actions that truly matter. Saying is easy, but doing…that’s the hard(er) part. I’m reminded to be mindful that my actions are aligned with my words and my heart. I find that my most painful/frustrating experiences happen when they’ve been dissonant.
5. Being smart is good, but you need direction. It’s like having the most efficient, technologically advanced ship, but there’s no map or steering function. It’s going to be impressively going nowhere…or it’ll end up somewhere eventually, but all of its inherent advantage will be wasted.
6. Ask for what you need. Whether in your personal/professional life, assuming the other person should know what you need is most likely going to end up in unmet expectations. Don’t assume, just ask. Ask and it shall be given unto you. Even if it’s not, then you’re at peace because you know you did what you could.
7. For the most part, everyone is doing the best they can. I read that in one of Brené’s books and it took me a second to wrap my head around it. But then I got it. People do what they do based on what they know. If you don’t know better, you can’t do better. I can be judgemental, and it feels like a personal affront when someone does something that doesn’t match my expectations. Having this perspective reminds me of this quote I’ve seen in several chapters of the Bible, “Make allowances for each other’s faults”.
It doesn’t mean accepting the fault or pretending that it isn’t one, however, being generous about the other person’s intention helps with not taking it personal and makes it easier to protect yourself from holding on to grudges.
8. The God of big and small things. I realized that if it matters to me, then it matters to Him. I grew up in an authoritarian environment so I tend to struggle with unconditional love, but being a parent, is giving me new perspective on that.
Most importantly, God is. I was brought to my knees, but God was there with me through it all. In my brokenness, His light and love came through. He reminds me that I am enough. Even as I make mistakes, learn and grow, I am worthy and nothing can ever separate me from His love.
differentshadesofbrown 