A few pages into this book, I had to put it down to exhale (and that happened a lot more times as I read through the book). It felt relatable based on my lived experience and of others around me. My goodness, there are aspects of the Yoruba culture that can give a masterclass in gaslighting. Certain things we do/allow/enable in the name of culture; like someone offending you, but you have to let it go because they are older/wealthier/more powerful/your husband. In the Yoruba language, we don’t gender people or anything, but the difference in how we refer to people is dependent on their hierarchy on the age/wealth/power scale. Respect flows down the hierarchy, and you better not forget that.
My view on culture is this: A group of people get together and for a variety of reasons, they adopt behaviors/attitudes that are supposed to be beneficial to them. These then get passed on from generation to generation as culture. Even though we, humans, and our environment are dynamic. We are (slowly but surely) evolving; our environments and living conditions vary. Why then do we mostly hold on to things from the past without checking if they still serve the same purpose? Or if the purpose is still valid (a la Grandma’s ham)?
Back to the Yoruba culture, I’m sure there was a reason why the traditions were set up this way, but I don’t really see how attitudes, like the ones described in the book, can help any society thrive. It would make sense if the cultural values focused on the well-being of its people, but the lengths that the book’s characters went to (and through) are as realistic as it gets. We know this, but we continue with our cultural chokeholds because it’s the way we’ve always done it. I’m not saying the entire culture should be shunned – the baby’s still in the bath water – but we definitely need to review it.
It was a well-written book that had me laughing out loud just as much as it got me riled up. At its end, I wanted it to continue. I wanted to see how the characters lived out the rest of their lives. They went through some this-really-shouldn’t-be-happening-to-anyone levels of BS and I was hoping to see their lives turn out better despite all of that.
differentshadesofbrown 