If you do a Google search or ask Chat GPT, you’ll come across a lot of things that count as self-care. It would be a disservice to limit it to a set of actions; as in my previous post, I maintain that how we self-care is unique for each of us. However, what I can definitely say is how it makes you feel. It’s transformative. It brings out the best in you. It’s the things you do that make you feel good, without any bitter aftertaste (aka regrets).
I consider self-care to be the soft work (aesthetics, taking yourself out, etc.) and the hard work (reconfiguring neural pathways to change your beliefs). Think of it like cleaning your home versus carrying out renovations/repairs. Depending on the state of it, cleaning might be all it needs or maybe a bit of both, and in some cases, tear the whole thing down and start over.
So, to start, you will need to do an honest review. If all you need to do is clean, you might be able to get that done quickly by yourself. If you need repairs or renovations, you most likely will need some assistance; reliable friends, family members, or even qualified professionals. It’s your home and you know how you want it to (not) look. So you give the directions and everyone else provides the support (as needed). If you need to, you might check out what others are doing for inspiration, mix-n-match until you find what works for you.
Note though that some things might not show up until you start working on something else; like how you don’t find the mold until you start taking out the old cabinets. Pace yourself, especially when you’re doing heavy work. Continuous improvement is the goal, not quitting. Know when to switch between soft and hard work, and if you need a break, take it.
We often think that negative emotions are forbidden, but that’s like ignoring the mold because of your new cabinets; it’ll catch up to you eventually. All of our emotions are data and need to be looked at. You can try to affirm them away, but if you don’t address the underlying issues, you’ll be putting fresh paint on a cracked wall; it’ll only look good for now. Understanding your emotions and their consequences can help you choose what you need to keep or let go of.
Practicing self-care doesn’t mean your life will be perfect; life respects no one. Shit happens, shit will happen, but the difference will be in how you choose to respond. How you move on and continue living.
differentshadesofbrown 